Welcome back! This is my third blog assignment for my English Composition class. In this assignment we were asked to read several passages that would help us compose an emotional scene from our lives. The passages included “My Name Is Margaret,” which is a small section from Maya Angelou’s book, “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”. In that passage, I read about how Mrs. Cullinan, changed Margaret’s name into “Mary” because “Margaret” was just too long for her. This then infuriated Margaret. Although my story will not be focused on anger, I did relate to the feeling of losing one's identity and isolation.
3 years ago, my ex blindfolded me on the way to a surprise. I honestly thought we were going to his house and I was going to remove my blindfold to some nasty raw chicken like last time. It was pitch black and so quiet for a good 20 minutes until the driver yelled angrily "EJ, please sit down I can't see the damn road!" Wait, EJ is not my ex's name. I wasn't aware that there were several more people in the back of the car. We all burst out laughing and cussing the driver as he just uncovered my surprise birthday party! My friends told me to wait until we reached the venue. When I untied my blindfold, they all screamed, "Surprise!" We were in a sports plaza and after tiring ourselves by playing a bunch of different games and finally having delicious chocolate cake, one of my friends brought a box onto the table. It was about the size of a regular shoe box but with patterns and a little bow on top. What I found inside brought me to tears. It was multiple letters from many of my other close friends. The letters were all handwritten behind photographs of me with whoever wrote the letter. They made me this special present because they knew I was leaving the country in 3 months. That was probably the happiest and saddest day of my life. I left the Philippines on May 27 of 2017 and whenever I look at those letters now, I feel happy but also a sense of loneliness. Although leaving was going to be beneficial for me, it also sucked because had to leave many people who were close to my heart. Most of them I’ve known for over 10 years. I also left not knowing when I will ever see them again. My family, friends and I didn’t worry so much at first because we knew that we would be able to communicate through the internet. Unfortunately, when I moved, we realized our time zones were exactly 12 hours apart. That means when someone is going to bed, the other is just getting up. It was challenging to find a time that worked for both people especially with school, work and family to take care of. This was definitely hard for everyone, especially for me because I was in such a new environment with no one to really talk to. Being in a new country means experiencing a different culture. Learning about other people and the way they live can be fun but sometimes it made me feel alone. I didn’t really have anyone to relate with nor anyone to understand me fully. No one has had to deal with leaving their whole family and basically all of the people who has been by their side their whole life behind. I’ve tried making many friends here and I do get along with people easily but it never feels the same. I consider most of the people I meet as acquaintances rather than friends. Sometimes, I even have to deal with people who would treat me like garbage just because I’m Asian. I’ve heard a couple comments in the halls of my predominantly white and black high school. I only knew about 5 Asians there, most of them born here thus not knowing how the Asian culture is really like. In the process of living here, I find myself adapt to the new culture. There’s nothing wrong with it but I do occasionally get lost and forget who I am. My looks have changed, my values have changed, my sense of humor and just about everything. I’ve changed so much that I don’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I'm worried and afraid that when I come back home, no one is going to recognize the person I’ve become inside and out. When I was little my dad taught me that “the only constant thing in life is change”. This has helped me go through life when it got tough. Sometimes reading the letters and looking at the photographs behind them brings tears to my eyes. It hurts to know that I will never get to experience or feel the same way again. I may be a little upset but at least I know I had a great time in the Philippines with a bunch great people. That somehow, although thousands of miles away, people still care about me. That despite growing apart, there will still always be a special connection between them that I can never have with anyone else here. Things may be different but when I read those letters, I feel at home. It gives me hope that maybe one day, I will feel the same way about this new place too.
6 Comments
9/17/2019 06:59:39 am
I feel your pain in being upset about leaving friends behind but there is always a good side to meeting new people that you never thought you would.
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Tai
9/17/2019 07:01:00 am
That was a really heart warming scene you had with your friends and family for your birthday party, especially when it was going to be the last one for awhile since you moved to the states here. I can feel the anxiety you had when you first moved here to the states, I can imagine it is overwhelming and scary but at the same time it's exciting because you're trying out something new and new can be a good thing or a bad thing. The important thing is how it changes you when you adapted to the unknown and see what kind of person you turn out today and in the future. "I feel happy but also a sense of loneliness." is what I used to feel when I went to middle school/high school.
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Jada Durham
9/17/2019 07:02:06 am
Hi Maxyne,
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Madison Lidstone
9/17/2019 07:09:25 am
This was so well written!!!! You displayed all your emotions and thoughts so beautifully. I'm sorry you don't feel at home here. It's an awful feeling to have, especially one so consistent. I felt that in your writing. I didn't even know you weren't born here until i read this. You look like you belong here and i apologize that it's not the same. Things will get easier. Beautifully written again :)
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Sabatino
9/18/2019 10:55:15 am
Thank you for sharing such a poignant portrait of your life. I appreciate the heart and mind insights provided here and how the images complement the written message. It takes guts to write about such a personal experience...I see potential for this story turning into your memoir assignment. Thoughts?
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Shanell Dodd
9/20/2019 11:20:30 am
Great writing Maxine, definitely an author in the making. The written letters on the wall brings so much emotion to your story. Really good friends they are. I look forward to reading your blogs as your writing skill arouse an interest in me. Great Job
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Maxyne LimcacoHi! Welcome to my blog. Archives
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